July 13, 2015
17 Comments

A Hand to Hold

To say that the last few weeks of our life have been a tornado of emotions and stress is probably the understatement of the year. We went down to close on our Nashville house a few weeks ago and spent a few days painting and working on the new place before heading back to Missouri to pack up our house and move back down. I was looking forward to the Nashville trip, so I was more than a little surprised when instead of feeling excited and happy on our closing day, I could barely make it though our “happy celebration brunch” without crying. Hmmm. Then, once we got to the house, I walked in, calmly snapped all my “before” photos of each room, and then immediately burst into a flood of tears in the empty kitchen. Uh oh. I just couldn’t stop crying. Not happy tears, mind you, but “what the hell am I doing here? DO I HAVE TO STAY HERE FOREVER??” kind of tears. I just wanted my real house where my real friends lived and not this dumb place that has dumb everything about it. For the rest of the week I couldn’t even bear for Todd to refer to the Nashville place as “home”, I kept correcting him by saying “you mean the house” instead. It’s just not my home yet ok. Soooo, a bit overdramatic I know, but it just all started to feel too real to handle in any sort of grown up manner. I knew that working would be the only thing that would make me stop crying, so I immediately changed clothes and started ripping out/sanding/painting anything I could get my hands on and we basically put in several 16 hour work days before heading back home. Phew.Once we got home though (to my real house) we only had a few days before we needed to have the whole place packed into a moving pod and on it’s way to Nashville, so every spare second was spent boxing, wrapping, etc until the job was done. As if the fast approaching deadline wasn’t stressful enough, the summer-long monsoon that’s been happening just made everything more difficult than it had to be (especially on the day we had to put everything into the pod). Totally one of those “what else can go wrong?!” sort of feelings, but we were so grateful for the friends that came out to help us through it.Now that the pod is finally packed and on its way, we are basically camping in our empty house with the cats until we drive down to Nashville with them later this week. While also bruised and exhausted, we are so glad to have a few days off of moving to breathe a bit, squeeze in a few more hangouts and visits to our favorite spots, and gear up for the next big push. It’s so weird to see our house empty and it reminds me of how it felt when I first moved in almost three years ago. At that time, I felt excited, but mostly sad, to leave the previous house we lived in, where Todd had been for almost ten years. Thinking about that feeling helps me now as I wrestle with where my comfort zone is and reminds me that transitions take time. Until then, I’m soaking up my last few days of feeling like I belong before we go out into a strange new world and attempt to make another “house” into a “home”.Our moving day was actually our 5th wedding anniversary, but we were so busy we forgot and didn’t even have a minute to acknowledge it until just before midnight. We made up for it with a celebration dinner the next night though. I usually wear my wedding belt (it was a part of my wedding dress) every year on my anniversary, but I’d been saving this gold gown for over a year with no place to wear it yet, so I made a last minute switch—so pretty! Although this out of state move is much harder logistically and emotionally than our last move in town, I’m so glad I don’t have to do it by myself this time and I’ve had Todd with me for all of the biggest parts. After all, what more do I need than his hand to hold since wherever he is home to me…signature

17 thoughts on “A Hand to Hold

  1. Kelly @ Turned up to Eleven

    I think these feelings are totally normal, especially with such a big move away from ALL you know, into the unknown. Just try to remember, life is an adventure, and your friends, they will ALWAYS be your truest friends. And that home will always be your home state – and now you have all the reason on the world to visit.

    I moved from Maryland to Alabama almost a decade ago and while I was nervous NEVER regretted the move. I miss my friends and family but they are STILL my friend and family. Visiting is always fun, like a vacation in a familiar place. And I always get happy to visit but even more happy to be home and settled in our place.

    We recently purchased a home, and I cried when we left our rental. It was the 3rd rental home we had together.. the only other time I cried when moving was our first apartment – my first REAL place away from my parents. When we left rental home #3 I got really, really emotional. It was strange… I didn’t love the place, but it was OUR place and the one home we lived in the LONGEST since I moved to AL. After 2 weeks in our purchased home… I started trying to make a list of what I missed from that rental… there were only two things. The beautiful bradford pear tree outside, and that our neighbors were actually friends of ours. Otherwise I didn’t miss that hood at all!

    Give your self time, before you know it, you will be missing home, but also embracing your new “home” in Nashville!!! ox

    Reply
  2. Haley

    This post has been a wake up call for me, so thank you. We are preparing to move out of state for the first time in our lives and before we were so excited and desperate to leave but now that it’s getting more real these same emotions you describe in the post make me so nervous and scared! It’s hard to leave so many memories tied to a certain place behind. This was our first house purchase, we put so much working into building it, we brought our daughter home from the hospital here. I’m just glad to hear you are going through the same thing, since part of me worried I was the only one and that moving would be a mistake. Hopefully there is joy after move.

    Also, I’m curious about hearing how your cats do in transit with the move since we’ll be doing the same thing!

    Reply
    1. thebandwifeblog Post author

      Yes, I’ll let you know how it goes with the kitties, hopefully it goes well! Thanks for the support!

      Laura 🙂

      Reply
  3. Amanda

    In February I moved in with my love, and I cried every day for over a month. It was a 13 mile move, from my place in San Francisco to his place in Berkeley. I was excited to live with him and start a new chapter, but SO SAD to leave my apartment and neighborhood. It wasn’t really feasible for him to move to SF, so I felt like choice had kind of been removed, which made it easier and harder at the same time. It was also difficult when people assumed that I was thrilled about the move, and asked a million questions about it. I kind of felt like I had to fake it, so that I didn’t look like a jerk (or like I was unhappy with my relationship, which was totally not the case.) I adore him and love living with him, and I’m slowly adjusting to my new city….and really if I have to “settle” for Berkeley, I’m not doing so badly…kind of like Nashville. =) Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in being sad about something that is also rather big and exciting.

    Reply
  4. Kirracox

    Oh Laura, I’m having the exact same feelings.

    I’m Australian, and my husband and I decided earlier this year to move more than half way across the country. Timing hasn’t worked out for us, at all, and he’s been living there since February while I’ve been trying furiously to finish up all the responsibilities I have to our town.

    It’s been more difficult than I anticipated, but we’re on the home stretch now, with our house on the market. But I still can’t think of the new house as home. This is my home. My home that some stranger will live in instead of me.

    You have it right though, we just need to keep going, we’ll get there eventually. What’s life without adventure, right?

    Reply
  5. Kaelyn

    Oh no! I’m so sorry you are having these feelings! I moved from Oklahoma to Portland, OR, and even though I really wanted to go, I still cried when we left our old apartment. I think it’s normal to feel sad or overwhelmed by a big change, but I’m sure you will love Nashville! (And if you don’t you can always move back!)

    Reply
  6. Callahan

    It’s all good! Nashville threw me for a very similar loop after a very sudden move from GA. Things to keep in mind: it is a relatively small town, but there are good folks here! See you around!

    Reply
  7. Kendra

    What a whirlwind, I can understand a bit. We moved a few months back and I felt “home” sick for quite a few months and I sitll dont like thinking about our old city because it makes me a bit sad, but adventure is worth it …. right?!

    Reply
  8. Melissa

    Change is H.A.R.D. and sometimes the only solution is a tantrum any toddler would be proud of 🙂 You’ll get there!! And someday soon “house” will suddenly be “home”.
    Good luck!!

    Reply
  9. Brittney Guise

    Girl, I feel ya! I’m My hubby’s worker (on the farm) has decided to leave the job so looks like we will be shifting out of our first home in just two weeks to move into the farm house! A bit of an over whelming thought, especially when I love my current house and feel like I have just got it perfect. I’m feeling a bit excited about painting it how we want and not paying rent though!

    P.S. I’m a big crier too. Today I got all emotional about my husband cutting the corner off a perfect square of fudge that I made for some friends. Between sobs I was all like, “I’m not as sad as I look ok? I just cry and it doesn’t stop. But that fudge was such a good square….
    I’m ok!”

    Reply
    1. thebandwifeblog Post author

      Ha ha! I’ve had breakdowns over lawnmowers and jars of tomato sauce, but that’s a new one to me!

      Laura 🙂

      Reply
  10. Sarah

    Hey there- after moving multiple times in my life (I’ve lived in 7 states so far and I’m only 30!) I can confidently say that it never gets easier. Its such a strange feeling to leave your ‘comfort zone’ and have to make a new one. How am I supposed to turn this strange place into my home? Its not my home. ____ is my home. I’ve said that so many times. My first big move as an adult was from Fort Lauderdale, FL to Billings MT- let me tell you how big of a culture (and weather!) shock that was. From there I moved to Nashville, after a divorce. Lived in Nashville 6 months, moved up to Oak Grove, KY, then to Kansas City and then to Philadelphia where I’ve been for the last year and some months. No place has ever felt more ‘home’ to me than Nashville, and I honestly hope that, sooner than later, I can move back. The people, the places, the culture, the environment…all are things that I love. And its a quick flight to FL to see my family (which is MUCH easier (and less expensive) than Montana to FL.) I’m rambling, sorry. In any case. Know that we, as readers, love and support you and know that you can, one day, learn to love your new home as much as your last. And if you don’t, you can always go back! Good luck, chin up. <3

    Reply
    1. thebandwifeblog Post author

      Thanks Sarah! Glad to hear you loved Nashville, hopefully I will too! Good luck wherever you decide to settle!

      Laura 🙂

      Reply
  11. Kaitlin

    As a military brat, I’ve moved countless times and it’s not always easy. I can certainly say that from experience! But knowing that your family is with you wherever you go (be that your parents, husband, pets, etc.) can be a great comfort in the midst of upheaval. I love the last line of your blog post: “After all, what more do I need than his hand to hold since wherever he is home to me…” Hold onto that truth. And in time, Nashville may also feel home-like to you. Praying for y’all’s transition.

    Reply

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